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One For The Other Thumb
Preseason, Indeed... E-mail
Written by Cotter   
August 20, 2013 08:36
[from what I understand went on last night, this seems like an appropriate image to sum things up]

So, let me just talk to you guys briefly about my day yesterday.

I wake up bright and early, full-on zombie mode going through the motions of getting ready for work. Just another Monday morning, lamenting the fact that only 12 hours prior, I was sipping a tasty cocktail in my kitchen with my fiancee, not a care in the world.

Then, I remember there's a Steeler game tonight.


Even the fact that it's only a glorified scrimmage, and that I have a 9:30 AM presentation can't bring me down.

So I mow down the preso, and slog through hours of meetings, work, twittering, and cruising reddit for all the hottest links the world wide web has to offer. Then, at around 5:30, with a solid escape plan in place and visions dancing around in my head of my ass parked on the couch with a drink and a smile, this happens...
Say what?


Dude, are you kidding?


Unreal troll move by my soulless co-workers.

So, net net - instead of watching the Steelers play the Racistskins, I was on the horn with Australia, presenting at 8 PM, whilst the Steelers were taking the field in Washington for whatever you'd call last night's game.

I guess the good news is that apparently it was a game to miss.

And the bad news is that apparently it was a game to miss.


Consequently, I'm sorry I'm not sorry I didn't get to see it.


The 30-second version of a recap, based on what I've gathered from reading various things this morning = soul crushing penalties, tasty turnovers, generally miserable play, and injuries.

Silver lining = all but the last part are fixable. And again, it's just preseason. I'm not even going to try and extrapolate what might have happened had the portion of the game the starters played been four quarters and not one-ish.

However, Bell hurting his right foot = projectile baby vomit.

Say whatever you want about Jonathan Dwyer, and I actually wouldn't mind him getting a chance to be the featured guy, the bigger problem is who's behind him.

With Ike Redman and LaRod Stephens-Howling already not playing, and Bell and Baron Batch getting hurt, I hope Todd Haley is ready to put on the pads and his money where his mouth is, because if this keeps up, he's going to have to.

And then, just to add insult to injury, Spotify reminds me of this today.

Jock Jams, Volume 3, you guys.

Anyway, here's some of your takes on things..
So, we've got that going for us, which is nice.

I mean, listen, certainly none of this bodes well, given that every day is one day closer to something that counts. The fact that Tomlin even jokingly suggested bringing refs into practice so they can get more disciplined is pretty cute and all. But yeah, I'm not gonna go all batshit over it. 

I will say, I thought this was the preseason of tough training. Camp Hellfire or some shit. The standard is the standard n'all'at. So, if that's what this is, I'd hate to see what Camp Strawberry Shortcake might look like.

Either way, all I know is...

Seriously, let's get it together, guys. This is not rocket science, it's football.

Rule #1 - don't beat yourselves.


Now, let's end this thing on a positive note, shall we?


Pop quiz - this is a picture of:
a) William Gay's failed attempt to start a Thriller flash mob,
b) William Gay trying to go all Harry Potter and cast a spell on Leonard Hankerson, or
c) William Gay sucking royally at freeze tag

Votes in the comments.


Mike Tomlin is not amused.


Cute move.

So, the best thing we can do here is forgive, but not forget. Clearly I can't say from personal reference, having blissfully missed all of the pain, but dwelling on another bad performance in a preseason game is not good for business as you might say.

However, we're still 0-0 in games that count, and eventually August will end. Pop a xanax and go watch America's Game, the 2005 Steelers, and relax.

We've got a quick turnaround here, with Andy Reid coming to town on Saturday night.

Should be a blockbuster weekend for Primanti's.

Here we go.

If you haven't already, become a fan of OFTOT on Facebook, and follow Cotter on Twitter. Or don't. Your choice, really.

Meeting People Is Easy... E-mail
Written by Cotter   
August 16, 2013 09:34

Well, hello again, my friends.

Another week of training camp in the books, another week closer to the real deal.

I trust that your weeks all went swimmingly, and that you're counting the minutes until happy hour (or you're off of work because it's Friday, in which case, we all hate you, xoxoxoxoxo, smiley with teeth).

So, cheers to that!


Now, as promised, here I present to you the revival of an ancient OFTOT staple - Meeting People Is Easy.

For the uninitiated - the general idea, not that you couldn't figure it out all by your lonesome, is that I ask a group of loyal OFTOT supporters five questions remotely related to the Steelers, and hilarity ensues.

Which is precisely why I'm so psyched to have this week's panel on board.

For anyone who's an old school OFTOT holdover, most of these degenerates should be familiar faces with familiar comedic stylings, but we are welcoming one new face this week. Not a new face around OFTOT necessarily, but an MPIE virgin, that being THE Mandi Kane. Feel free to welcome her with open digital arms, and also to embrace the rest of this week's jokers with those same undoubtedly scrawny nerd arms.

And speaking of this week's panel, allow me to call roll for you...

1) THE Jim - aka the artist formerly and currently known as Shireman
2) Doug - as in, Dug E. Fresh, aka Get Fresh Designs
3) Grumpy - mostly just a clever name, but don't push him
4) Mandi - possibly the 2nd most highly regarded authority on 'swagger' behind Ike Taylor
5) Sean - my homeboy, and custodian of one of the longest running independent blogs I know
6) Matt - he wanted me to make sure you all knew how pleased with himself he was about his avatar
7) Tecmo - needs zero introduction, get real alkngk;njabhuiwehriubawiue9234
8) Me - my blog, my rules


You'll notice, I've handily added everyones' twitter handles underneath their names in the grid, so should you find their musings mildly entertaining, you can continue to do so by following them on the twitter.

So, without any further ado, I give you this week's MPIE, below. If you're feeling adventurous, feel free to enlighten us as to the answers you would have given in the comments.


Click to enlarge...
And now, for no reason at all, here's a clip of Bill Burr explaining why Yoko Ono sucks. Spoiler - Bill Burr is a bigger aficionado of the F bomb than even I am, so consider yourself warned.

You're welcome for what is sure to be the most enlightening and intellectual thing you'll see/hear today.


Here we go.

If you haven't already, become a fan of OFTOT on Facebook, and follow Cotter on Twitter. Or don't. Your choice, really.

I'll Be That Guy... E-mail
Written by Cotter   
August 12, 2013 00:00

So, let's not pretend like there aren't several pretty significant issues going on with the Steelers right now, not the least of which is zero O-line depth behind a line that's combined age is Troy Polamalu, or really, experienced/capable depth at any position, frankly.

But, let's also not allow 60 minutes of a game played four weeks from when the first one that actually counts will be played determine our outlook on the Steelers' collective or individual 2013-2014 fortune(s).

Not that any of you were going to do that necessarily, but like the post title says - I'll be that guy. You know, the guy who says in so many words, "whatevs, it's only preseason."

Now, spoiler alert: I should probably admit that I didn't really watch much beyond the first quarter and a half, so I'm not going to be providing any kind of meaningful analysis of our 3rd string safeties or anything (although I doubt you were expecting that anyhow, and apparently I missed quite a series of Benny Hill theme song worthy mishaps). Plus, you've probably already read that 10 other places by now, seeing as how my "recap" is a solid 36 hours later than it should be (because I do what I want on my own damn time).


In an ideal world, sure, I would've spent all three hours or whatever watching guys that could be mowing lawns in September, but it was Saturday night, you guys, and also - booze.

If you have some unique perspective on any of this feel free to share with us in the comments.

Anyway, as I mean to keep this "recap" as eventful as Saturday's little tea party, let's just talk about the net positives.

Oh yeah, and PS - I'm strongly considering doing Meeting People Is Easy this week, so if you're interested in announcing your presence to all 12 people who read OFTOT...

This e-mail address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it .

Now, onward to those "positives"...

1) No injuries.

I said it on Twitter, and I'll reiterate it here...

The reality is, very little of what you see in a preseason game is relevant to the team's veritable regular season success. Starters play for all of a quarter/half at most, and probably only in the 3rd preseason game, and the most exciting thing that should happen is that your beer is always full and no one leaves on the Cart of Sadness.

So, try not to let anything you witnessed taint your view of this year's Steeler team, because realistically, you didn't see this year's Steeler team as it will be in Weeks 1 through 16.

Just be happy we're inching our way through a river of glorified scrimmages to September 8 at Heinz Field.

And that there's beer.


2) The turf apparently looked uncharacteristically pristene.


I would've said "in midseason form," but when referring to Heinz Field, that wouldn't be a compliment. 

By the way, shout out to literally every member of the Pittsburgh sports media, who all tweeted about this at least once.

Can't wait to get blocked by a few more of them after this.

Also, nice of the grounds crew to make sure the turf is beautiful for the most meaningless game that will be played there this year. I'll be sure to remember this when we're starting to enter a playoff race in late November and a punt sticks in the mud or something.

3) Tomlin is all business as usual.

The standard is the standard, you guys.

4) Manning face.

Can you imagine if they were just standing there, shaking hands, staring at each other with those puppy dog eyes, not saying a word?

I can, because I have absolutely no idea what these two could possibly have to say to each other.

Maybe Eli was asking Ben to sign a ball for his older brother.


5) No Phil Simms.

Enjoy it while it lasts, folks.

Not that the local media was a welcomed alternative.


Would've really enjoyed that play if I had seen it. Top notch camera work by NBC New York. Instead, I got to see the whites of Ben's eyes while he watched that play unfold. Cute shenanigans.

So, all in all, it's nice to see something resembling Steeler football again, but try not to get too excited or concerned about anything that happened in Saturday's cock tease. 

Some guys saw action who wanted it, some guys saw action who needed it, and some guys didn't get action at all because it's not worth risking longer term health for a few snaps in a game that was only meant to simulate what it will be like post-September 1. 

Keep your minds right, and let's get after it again next Monday in DC.

Just a few more weeks until the main course, you guys. 


Here we go!

If you haven't already, become a fan of OFTOT on Facebook, and follow Cotter on Twitter. Or don't. Your choice, really.

I'm Just Going to Put This Right Here... E-mail
Written by Cotter   
August 09, 2013 12:50

This is just what I do.

Here we go.

If you haven't already, become a fan of OFTOT on Facebook, and follow Cotter on Twitter. Or don't. Your choice, really.
Throwback Thursday - That Hat Sucks... E-mail
Written by Cotter   
August 08, 2013 15:13

[NOTE: Fair warning - this video contains unsavory language that may upset your delicate sensibilities, as well as me drinking a coors light, which I think we can all agree is just downright offensive. So, you know, don't watch if you can't handle the thunder.]

Some of you may remember this, but for many of you, you may either have no clue this gloriousness ever existed or may have blocked it from your memory for draining you of precious brain cells. 

BUT once upon a time, longer ago than I care to remember, the artist formerly known as tecmo_bowl_bo_jackson (indeed, that tecmo) and I thought to add video to our internet repertoires, and the result is what you see above.

The outtake reel usually ended up some order of magnitude more entertaining than the actual show (hence why I put it at the top of this post), but we tried our best anyhow. 

Needless to say, we only did this for like two seasons, because a) it required way more work than it looks like it did, b) living in opposite ends of the vast Manhattan expanse did not exactly lend itself to seamless collaboration, and c) being entertaining on camera is a whole lot different from being entertaining with words, not that I've come anywhere near mastering either. 

Will the [Unnamed] Steelers Pregame Show ever make a come back? 

Stranger things have happened. 

But either way, I think the moral of this story is...


Drugs are bad, mmmkay?

Now, I'm just gonna deposit this other video here and go make myself a cocktail. I highly encourage you to watch at least the first :30 seconds. You'll get it. 

Here we go. 
If you haven't already, become a fan of OFTOT on Facebook, and follow Cotter on Twitter. Or don't. Your choice, really. 
You Didn't Think You Could Get Rid of Me That Easily, Did You? E-mail
Written by Cotter   
August 06, 2013 14:55

I'm sure you're as disappointed as I am that I'd announce my reemergence using what could be one of the worst songs ever made.

But let's be real, this is far from the first time I've let you guys down.

Nevertheless, yes, my friends, consider this my official commitment to try and ressurect OFTOT from what would otherwise be its internet grave**. 

I may be a couple of years rusty, but make no mistake, I will not let that stop me from providing the same 6th grade level humor and photojobs you've come to love or loathe, depending on how big of a dick you are.

Now, given that the nature of "blogs" has changed drastically in the last couple of years, I'm not going to bore you with the same news reporting you could read literally millions of other places on the information superhighway. 

I will, however, attempt to continue the tradition of providing what you might questionably call commentary on upcoming games, and recaps of those games, from as ill-informed a perspective as possible (the rest you can get from me on the twitter).

But, at least there should be lots of pictures, animated gifs and video, for those of you with the attention span of an adolescent spider monkey. 


Look, there's one now. 


And another.

Man, I'm really gonna miss leaning heavily on that one. Probably the best shit I've ever done. Pour one out for James Harrisassin. 


So, listen, I love the Steelers, you love the Steelers, why not love them together by regularly high fiving each other through the tubes of the world wide web? 

Raise your hand if you're fired up for Steelers football. 

Here we go.

** required legalese: note, "commitment to try" does not constitute commitment to succeed.

If you haven't already, become a fan of OFTOT on Facebook, and follow Cotter on Twitter. Or don't. Your choice, really. 
Let's Start 2012 Off Right... E-mail
Written by Cotter   
December 31, 2011 11:33

Ok, here's the deal - what follows is not going to be what I'd typically refer to as a "preview."

For three reasons...

1) Didn't write a preview for Bengals, Browns (Round 1), or Rams, but did for 49ers, and look how that worked out
2) When you're reading this it will either be New Year's Eve day or New Year's day (if it gets read at all), and
3) This is the Browns

Now, in no way am I discounting the significance of the game itself.

It's not necessarily a must-win, but a win and a Ravens loss would hand the Steelers the two seed and a first round bye, which I don't think you need me to tell you would be a major coup for a team with key players injured all over the field.

But the reality is, in terms of internet usage this weekend, I'd expect it to be a fraction of the norm (ie - probably one person will read this instead of the normal three).

Either way, here's what you need to know - Ben, Pouncey, and Troy are all expected to play, and on the other side, the Browns usual starter Colt McCoy isn't, which leaves Seneca Wallace to try his hand against the Steelers' defense.

As for who the Steelers should be aware of - it's probably...

a. Jabaal Sheard

El former Pitt Panther and Browns rookie has 7.5 sacks and 5 forced fumbles, far and away leading the Frowns in both this season at DE.

b. Mike Adams

Leads the Browns in picks with 3.

c. Seneca Wallace

I'm not saying he's going to be a huge threat or anything, but assuming the Steelers play defense like the Steelers, it'll be up to Wallace to try and beat them.

Also, Mike Wallace > Seneca Wallace.


Now, for the random observations...

1) Whoa, dude.

Look at the disparity in tackles between the Browns leading tackler and 2nd leading tackler.

No wonder D'Qwell Jackson was voted Browns Player of the Year.

2) Survey says...

3) Good luck with that.

And just in case you were wondering...

4) Congratulations, Antonio Brown.

Following the path blazed not long ago by our boy, Mike Wallace, Brown eclipsed the 1,000 yard mark in just his second season, after becoming Ben's 2nd favorite target (maybe even overall favorite), and a starter about 2/3 of the way through the season.

[sidenote - do yourself a favor and click here to see who he's got more receiving yards than (spoiler - it's all but 15 guys in the league)]

Not to mention, he's on his way to Hawaii by virtue of the ~28 yards he averaged on kick returns (3rd in the league) and ~11 yards he averaged on punt returns (9th in the league).

And of course, he's got a top five TD celebration.

Definitely MVP level swag.

5) Roethlisberger's Revenge?

Never forget.

So, in conclusion - go Bengals.

As usual, if you get a chance before you drink yourself into a champagne coma later, turn the lights off and hit play on this...

Last game of the season, kids.


Here we go.

If you haven't already, become a fan of OFTOT on Facebook, and follow Cotter on Twitter. Or don't. Your choice, really.

Twas The Monday Night Before Christmas... E-mail
Written by Cotter   
December 20, 2011 00:43
[image via Kiss Morning Freakshow]

...and all through San Fran
Not a Steeler was scoring, not even Big Ben


The Steelers were hung, by the Niners defense
And their hopes of a 1 seed, would have to wait hence


The Niners were ready, to grab every ball
While the Steelers came out and met a brick wall


Jim Harbaugh in his skirt, and Alex Smith in his dress
Made short work of the Steelers, oh what a mess

The lights in the park, eventually came back on
But not for the Steelers, their scoring chances were gone


4 costly turnovers, led to most of their scores
The Niners got their chances, and then closed the door


Now it's back home to Heinz, for a Saturday fight
It's time to get ready, to do Christmas Eve right


The Steelers will be back, in front of the home crowd
It's time to make the house rock, it's time to get loud

So, dry your tears my friends, and never you fear
For a new opportunity soon will be here


And look for Mike Tomlin, to inspire these men
Time to end this thing strong, can I get an A-Ben?

Steelers - Rams in like 3.5 mintues.

Get your minds right.


Here we go.

If you haven't already, become a fan of OFTOT on Facebook, and follow Cotter on Twitter. Or don't. Your choice, really.

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